Dear Zoom Prayer Meeting members,
I am sharing with you the below translation of an article—contribution from a reader—that was carried in the August issue of Japanese Byakko magazine. The translation was kindly edited by Pamela Beasley. Please refer to Masami Sensei's article in the May issue of Byakko Monthly as you read this article. I hope you enjoy reading it.
Infinite light!
Kinuko Hamaya
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Dementia is a given role
By Hideko Shinohara (Chiba prefecture/Japan)
Through the care of my mother-in-law
I have an experience of taking care of my mother-in-law for ten years who was diagnosed with dementia about thirty years ago.
She was a devout supporting member of Byakko, who visited Holy Hill and gatherings almost every day. Naturally, she would daily read Byakko magazine and listen to the recordings of Goi Sensei and Masami Sensei's talks. Therefore, I was very shocked when she was suddenly diagnosed with dementia despite such a great effort on her part. "Why couldn't she escape the illness in spite of her earnest effort to seek God and continue praying?" Thereafter, fear and worry about dementia largely expanded in my mind.
My mother-in-law was adopted when she was an infant, however the adopted parents began abusing her after the birth of their own child. I remember her sad face when she talked about her painful experience in those days little by little. This was reflected in her mentality; she closed her mind to both her real parents and adopted parents, which caused me pain as well. Still, I was never able to like her because of the harsh words she uttered against me whenever she became unable to suppress her emotion arising from her negative memories. I was vaguely feeling that those harsh words she said to me were the words spoken to her by her adopted parents, but for me, that was never the reason to forgive her.
During these circumstances, she was suddenly diagnosed to have dementia and I was put in the position of taking care of her. Because I had no knowledge of the illness and also had very little mental connection with her, taking care of her caused me to have mental pain and I was spending many days with a gloomy mind.
One day she became hospitalized, and I began visiting her in the hospital. While I was there, I was performing a divine activity assigned to us in those days, that is, writing in a memo pad the Prayer for World Peace together with individuals' names, and praying for the accomplishment of the missions of those people. I visited the hospital every day, and continued writing the names of the patients in the same room as her as well as the names of the nurses.
One day, one of the patients in the room who also had dementia called me over. When I approached her, she gripped my hands with a serious facial expression and said, "Thank you always for praying for us." It surprised me, because she could have never known about the divine activity I was doing. I immediately brought over the Byakko magazine and showed her the picture of Goi Sensei and said, "This is Goi Sensei. Whenever you have a problem, please call his name." She stared at the picture of Goi Sensei with all seriousness, and tears fell from her eyes. I was shocked as if I had been hit in the head by a strong blow.
My understanding of dementia until then was that it badly deteriorates the brain functions and causes the patient to forget everything. "What is the cause of the brain shrinking and what happens to the patient's emotions and mind?" The more I thought about these things, the more the fear of dementia newly expanded in my mind.
With these thoughts in my mind, the shock given to me by the tears of that person was beyond measure. "We haven't lost our minds. We are struggling with our fading memories. Please feel our agony!" I felt that they were making such a cry. For myself who had been one-sidedly thinking that the patients were unable to think about anything, it was unimaginable that people with dementia had fears and worries, much less give compassion to them. I think that my compassion and sympathy for them was very little. However, the exchange of words with that person totally changed my thought, and from that moment on, it greatly helped me in taking care of my mother-in-law.
I now think that the incident was a guidance for me from my Guardian Spirits by using the physical body of that person. I believe this because in a very natural way, which was barely noticeable even to me, I was trying to feel the agony of my mother-in-law. By then, I could not afford to think about anyone other than myself, but I naturally began offering prayers for many people who were spending days as a caretaker just like me. When I did so, I felt my heart heal and become lighter. "It's not only me who is spending difficult days. There are many other people who are also doing their best." Thinking in this manner enabled me to receive refreshing power.
Also, I deeply felt the bliss of being able to pray. If I didn't try to sympathize with my mother-in-law's heart, I wouldn't have tried to pray for other caretakers either, and my days as a caretaker must have ended in misery. I feel confident that my Guardian Spirits guided me, which I deeply appreciate.
After ten years since I first began taking care of my mother-in-law, she became bedridden causing me to change her body position several times a day. One day, when I was trying to change the direction of her body, I felt a warmth as I touched her—something I had never felt before. It enveloped me with an indescribable sense of gentleness and comfort to the point I thought, "If I am embraced by God, this must be the feeling." Then, a clear affirmation welled up within me, "My mother-in-law is a divine being, and I too am a divine being." That instant, all the emotions that had been compressed exploded, and made me burst into tears as if sweeping me away. My mother-in-law saw me crying and said, "You are beautiful."
A little after that, my mother-in-law departed to the other world. I now feel that she waited for me until I opened my heart.
Disappearance of fear and worry of dementia
Masami Sensei's messages about dementia were carried in the May 10 issue of Byakko magazine. I intently read the article as I had not been able to completely eradicate my fear of dementia. As I continued to read, I could not stop my tears, nor could I stop reading. However many times I read the article, my eyes returned to the beginning as if being magnetized to it. Each and every single word of Masami Sensei soaked into my heart; I felt that she was patiently guiding me. Her words resounded straight in my heart sometimes gently, and other times, strictly.
And while feeling the joy of being liberated as I read, there was a moment that alerted my mind. It was a shock when I noticed that I had not been correctly putting the principle of vanishing phenomena into practice.
It was unmistakable that my mother-in-law had been seriously performing the truths of Byakko—that she had been tirelessly walking along the path of light for the accomplishment of her heavenly given missions. In addition to that, her true mind must have willingly accepted the condition of dementia as the best path for the purification of her soul.
However, I failed to see this truth and was caught up only with the vanishing phenomenon—her illness—and was one-sidedly lamenting over her. I could finally notice that I had not been able to do away with the fear of dementia just because I was lamenting over her and was grabbing hold of the vanishing phenomena. I deserted the divine heart and kept grabbing hold of karma. And as a result, I injured my heart, tormented it, and disrupted peace of my mind. I could clearly recognize these mistaken actions I was taking. I perfectly failed to do the most important thing—entering into the divine light and entrusting myself to it.
"Prayer for World Peace is a manifestation of divine love itself. Just by entrusting yourself to it, you will be purified and humanity will be uplifted." "We human beings cannot erase our karma. Our Guardian Spirits and Guardian Deities exist to erase our karma." These words of Goi Sensei gently spread in my heart that had been cleansed by tears.
"We human beings are here to elevate and improve ourselves, and at the same time, we are here to bring peace to the world and to manifest the divine heart….." Just as Goi Sensei explained through these words, my mother-in-law seriously learned truths imparted by Goi Sensei to fulfill her missions as a divine being and also, to purify her past karma. At the very end of her life, she spent ten years of discipline prepared by her Guardian Spirits and Guardian Deity—the tunnel of dementia—and upon walking through it and completing her lifetime, she radiated her soul even more.
The moment I understood this way, the image of my mother-in-law with dementia instantly disappeared, and her image filled with light clearly floated up in my mind. Simultaneously, I noticed that my fear of dementia that had had kept bothering me until yesterday had completely disappeared. I could not well remember what it was that had been bothering me for a long time. It surprised me to the point I thought, "Can such a thing really happen?"
"If you correctly grasp vanishing phenomena, you don't even need to pray the peace prayer. Things vanish just as they are." "If you paraphrase Emptiness, it is vanishing phenomena." I am now quietly pondering the meaning of these words of Goi Sensei.
Thanks to the wonderful messages of Masami Sensei carried in the May issue of Byakko magazine, I could cut off the vicious circle of my thought. I could let go of the term "dementia" that never disappeared from my mind throughout the twenty years after the demise of my mother-in-law, and now, my mind is clear, bright, light, and infinitely free. It seems I crossed a border in my mind, and encountered my renewed self while reading the messages of Masami Sensei.
I could perceive the truth of my mother-in-law by looking at her not from her physical body but from her true mind. Similarly, I thought that I would look at myself once again by standing on the viewpoint of my chokurei (direct spirit.) Then, what my chokurei (direct spirits) wanted me to do clearly came into view.
"What I want you to do is not to interrupt the work of the 'bunrei' (divided spirit) that branched out from me, in its effort to expand the divine heart in the earthly world. For this purpose, you constantly need to remain being at one with the divine heart through the prayer. It is to assist you accomplish this that I sent to you Guardian Spirits and Guardian Deities. If you wholeheartedly believe in your Guardian Spirits and Guardian Deities, the 'bunrei' (divided spirit) can work without any hindrance."
As I perceived the mind of the chokurei (direct spirit) in this way, it became clear to me what it was that I needed to do.
I once again studied various truths from the viewpoint of the chokurei (direct spirit). I then felt many principles that I had over-read and gripped onto only as knowledge disentangle and smoothly flow into my heart. "There is no privilege we physical human beings can execute in this world. The only privilege we can execute is the privilege to pray." These words of Goi Sensei were inscribed in my heart telling me that prayer is the single measure to make our life power come alive and to give us an unshakable heart. I am feeling my following determination becoming deeper and deeper: "I will fully use this privilege allowed to us—praying—to infinitely shine my life and to infinitely deepen my divine sanctity." I wish to treasure this sensitivity that sprouted within me and to carefully nurture it.
While thinking about these things, memories of Goi Sensei repeatedly came back to me together with the following words I heard about thirty or forty years ago: "Humanity needs to begin walking along the path of light while there is light." "I will take responsibility of all of you from this world to the other world. Therefore, you only need to feel assured and pray the Prayer for World Peace." I am now determined to firmly accept the heart of Goi Sensei and progress vibrantly and powerfully.
There is something I am working on now. I have been praying by joining hearts with my late mother-in-law so that dementia will complete its role in this world and disappear. I strongly believe that it is logical that my heavenly mother-in-law who experienced dementia and myself who had the experience of taking care of her wish and pray for this purpose. I feel it is a mission that I need to fulfill most sincerely.
Also, just as I could not escape from the fear of dementia, how many people on the earth will be living in the indescribable fear of dementia? I am well aware of this heavy vibration as I actually kept having the fear for a long time. I have been reading aloud Masami Sensei's messages in the May issue of Byakko so that such a thought will be mitigated even by a little through the elevated vibration of Masami Sensei.
I have been wishing from the bottom of my heart so that the day will come even one day sooner when humanity will be liberated from dementia.
May peace prevail on Earth